Bathroom Stall Etiquette

From: Todd E Van Hoosear (vanhoose@manetheren.cl.msu.edu)
Date: 11/21/03

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    From: devil in the pale moon light <pj@lalaland.cl.msu.edu>
    
    ******************************************************************************
    
    Wide red eyes searched the bredth of the skies. They searched the length
    of the lands. Silently, they kept watch. The newborn cocked his
    iridescant head and listened to the wretched cries of humanity. The
    Fledgling craned his downy neck as he unfolded and flexed the mighty
    wings of change. - Mary Summer Rain
    
    ---------- Forwarded message ----------
    Date: Fri, 8 Nov 1996 01:29:11 -0800 (PST)
    From: The Jokester <peetah@mcs.net>
    To: Blind Copy Receiver:;@mcs.net
    Subject: Men's bathroom quiz
    
    someone has got to be really bored to write this... unfortunately, it also
    seems to be true.
    
    
         Men's Bathroom Quiz
         ------------------------
    
    
    In case you're not being sufficiently challenged today, the following quiz
    should do the trick.
    -------------------------------------------------------------------
    
    The following is the urinal configuration in a sample men's room.
    An X above the number will indicate "in use."
    
    (Sample)
    |   |   | x |   |   | x |     indicates men are at stalls 3
    | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 |     and 6.
     -------------------------
    
    
    You are to identify correctly, based on urinal etiquette, at which stall
    you are to correctly stand. Good luck!
    
    
     --------------------
    Easy Section
     --------------------
    
    1.)
    
    |   | x |   | x |   |   |          (Stalls 2 and 4 occupied.)
    | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 |
     -------------------------
    
    Your choice:  __
    
    
    
    
    Answer:Stall 6         It's the ONLY one to go to and every guy
                           instinctively knows this.
    
    
    
    
    2.)
    
    | x |   |   |   |   |   |    (1 occupied.)
    | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 |
     -------------------------
    
    Your choice:  __
    
    
    
    
    
    Answer: Stall 6          Stall 5 is acceptable, but you run a
                             greater risk of being next to someone
                             who arrives later.
    
    
    
    Kind of tricky Section:
    
    
    3.)
    
    |   |   |   |   |   |   |   (empty)
    | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 |
     --------------------------
    
    Your choice:  __
    
    
    
    
    
    Answer(kind of tricky): stalls 1 or 6    You are tacitly saying, "I
                                       don't want anyone next to me."
    
    
    
    4.)
    
    |   | x |   | x |   | x |           (2, 4 and 6 occupied)
    | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 |
     -------------------------
    
    Your choice:  ___
    
    
    
    
    Answer(kind of tricky): stall 1 - You're stuck being next to at
                                  least ONE guy, so you minimize the
                                  impact and get a wall on your left.
                                  NEVER go between TWO guys if you
                                  can help it.  Exceptions to this
                                  are stadium restrooms where the
                                  herd thunders in.
    
    
    
     - <  Subtle, tricky, but important to know Section  -
    
    
    |   | x |   |   | x | x |          (2, 5 and 6 occupied)
    | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 |
     -------------------------
    
    Your choice:  __
    
    
    
    
    
    Answer(HARD!): stall 4   Believe it or not,  1 and 3 "couples"
                             you with the guy in stall 2.  And we
                             wouldn't want THAT now, would we?
                             This differs from question 4 in such a
                             subtle way that the nuances cannot be
                             explained.  Suffice to say, only we men
                             would understand!
    
    
    
     - <<   VERY tricky indeed Section       -
    
    
    6.)
    
    | x | x |   |   | x | x |          (1, 2, 5 and 6 occupied)
    | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 |
     -------------------------
    
    Your choice:  ___
    
    
    Answer(DAMN HARD!): NONE!  You go to the mirror and pretend to
                        comb your hair or straighten a tie until the
                        urinals "open up" a bit more. If you have to
                        go REAL, REAL BAD...for god's sake,
                        man!...use a doored stall.
    
    Other parts of the Unwritten Code of the Urinals:
    
     -- NO Talking, unless it's a good friend... but even then, keep
    it terse and unemotional.  This ain't no clubhouse.
    
     -- I don't think I need to tell you, absolutely NO touching of
       anyone other than yourself.  A touch of another's elbow is of the
       highest offense.
    
     -- NO Singing.  Period.
    
     -- Glances are for purposes of acknowledging only..."Yeah, I see
       you there.  I will not look again".
    
    
    
    
    this message brought to you by Paula Peter-Dennis <phoenixr@ra.isisnet.com>.
    Post:  BOYCHICKS@queernet.org
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