From: Todd E Van Hoosear (vanhoose@manetheren.cl.msu.edu)
Date: 11/21/03
[With a minor edit from the editor]
[Forwarded by Anthony Visone]
[Forwarded by John Armstrong]
[Forwarded by Chris Jacobus]
I never have quite figured out why the sexual urges of men & women differ
so much. And I never have figured out the whole Mars & Venus thing. And,
I never have figured out why men think with their head and women with
their heart.
And, I never yet have figured out how the sexual desire gene gets thrown
into a state of turmoil when it hears the words "I do."
One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed. Well, the
passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, "I don't feel like it,
I just want you to hold me."
I said, "WHAT?" So she says the words that I and every husband on the
planet dreads. She explains that I must not be in tune with her emotional
needs as a Woman.
I'm thinking, "What was her first clue?" I finally realize that nothing
is going to happen that night, so I went to bed.
The very next day then we went shopping at a big unnamed department store.
I walked around while she tried on three very expensive outfits. She
couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her to take all three of
them. She then tells me that she wants matching shoes worth $200 each to
which I say OK. And then we go to the Jewelry Dept. where she gets a set
of diamond earrings.
Let me tell you ... she was so excited. She must have thought that I was
one wave short of a shipwreck, but I don't think she cared. I think she
was testing me when she asked for a tennis bracelet because she doesn't
even play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I told her that it
was OK.
She was almost sexually excited from all of this and you should have seen
her face when she said, "I'm ready to go, let's go to the cash register."
I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No, honey. I don't feel
like buying all this stuff now." You should have seen her face ... it
went completely blank. I then said, "Really honey! I just want you to
HOLD this stuff for a while." And just when she had this look like she
was going to kill me, I added, "You must not be in tune with my financial
needs as a Man."
I figure that I should be having sex again sometime during the spring thaw
of 2010.
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```'' T o d d E V a n H o o s e a r
(._.) vanhoose@spamoff (SPAM FILTER ON)
(_) http://lalaland.cl.msu.edu/~vanhoose/
`---' SPAM FILTER: Replace spamoff with gdl.msu.edu
DYK?: Mark Twain didn't graduate from elementary school.
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