Lost in Translation: The REAL First Page of the Bible

From: Todd E Van Hoosear (vanhoose@manetheren.cl.msu.edu)
Date: 10/14/03

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    Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny.reruns
    From: greywolf
    Subject: Lost in the translation
    Keywords: chuckle, offense=Christians, originally appeared in third quarter, 1995
    Date: Thu, 18 Apr 2002 19:20:00 PDT
    
    
    { Some of this is as told to me by a friend who got it from somewhere
    off TV; the rest is original.  You get to figure out which is which.  }
    
    They recently discovered a smaller scroll hidden in the cylinder of the
    first scroll of the ancient Biblical scriptures, believed to be the
    actual "first page" of the Bible.  When deciphered, it read:
    
    "Copyright (c) 300 B.C. God.  All Rights Reserved
    First scrawling First-Sunrise-After-Stonehenge-Keystone-Is-Shadowed, 300 B.C.
    
    
    All beings, places and events depicted in this work are fictional, and
    any resemblance to actual beings, places and events past, present or
    future is purely coincidental.
    
    WARNING:  Some of the actions performed in this work are dangerous and
    should only be attempted by professionals familiar with the action in
    question.
    
    NOTE:  Those tiny points of light in the sky when it gets dark are
    called 'stars'.  Some of them do blow up on occasion.  In no way should
    this be construed as a sign that there is, beneath such an explosion,
    any form of saviour.  Should such a misconstrual happen, the author
    will not be held responsible for the avalanche of arrogance, zeal,
    bigotry, humanocentricity and other vile acts which will surely follow
    the residents of the planet into time eternal until someone sees fit to
    erase the denizens of the world and let the author start over.
    
    DSBN 0-000000-0000-1
    
    Suggested retail:  1 sheep."
    
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            ```''        T o d d   E   V a n   H o o s e a r
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      "Drawing on my fine command of the English language, I said nothing."
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