[Okay, I know, my mail queue for the humor pages is a little on the long side!! Can I help it if I have a life outside the web??!! - Todd]Date: Thu, 17 Oct 1996 11:54:27 EDT From: Krista Kurtz
A potpourri of election jokes that slam on both parties... >> Seen on a bumper sticker: >> "IF DOLE IS THE ANSWER, THEN IT MUST BE A STUPID QUESTION." >> >> Seen on another bumper sticker: >> "CLINTON HAPPENS" >> ******************************************************************** >> >> Bob and Elizabeth Dole are at the first baseball game of the season. >> The umpire walks up to the VIP section and yells something, and >> suddenly Bob grabs Elizabeth by the collar and throws her over the >> side and onto the field. The stunned umpire shouted, >> "No, Senator Dole! I said, `Throw the first PITCH!'" >> >> ******************************************************************* >> >> If a couple in Arkansas get married, move to Washington, then move >> back to Arkansas, are they still brother and sister? >> >> ******************************************************************** >> >> Bill and Hillary are at a restaurant. The waiter tells them tonight's >> special is chicken almondine and fresh fish. >> "The chicken sounds good; I'll have that," Hillary says. The waiter >> nods. "And the vegetable?" he asks. >> "Oh, HE'll have the fish," Hillary replies. >> >> ******************************************************************** >> >> Q. Bob and Elizabeth Dole are on a sinking boat. Who gets saved? >> A. The nation. >> >> Q. What do you get when you cross a crooked politician with a >> dishonest lawyer? >> A. Chelsea! >> >> Q: What does Bill say to Hillary after having Sex? >> A: "Honey, I'll be home in 20 minutes." >> >> ******************************************************************** >> >> Clinton is looking out of the window and he notices that someone has >> urinated the message, "BILL SUCKS!" on the White House Lawn. >> Furious, he orders the FBI to take urine and handwriting samples from >> every member of the White House staff and find the culprit >> immediately. A week later, the FBI director calls. >> "Mr. President, I have good news and bad news," he says. "The good >> news is that the urine belongs to Bob Dole." "And the bad news?" >> Clinton demands. After a slight pause, the director replies, >> "Sir, eh, eh, the handwriting belongs to your wife!" >> >> >> ******************************************************************** >> >> One day, Clinton called the White House interior decorator into the >> Oval Office. He was very furious and said, >> "Chelsea is very upset because she thinks she has the ugliest room in >> the entire White House; I want something done about it immediately!" >> "Yes Sir, Mr. President," the interior decorator replies. "I'll take >> those mirrors out right away!" >> >> ******************************************************************** * >> >> Dole was asked the presidential underwear question: boxers or briefs? >> After a moment's reflection, he answered, "Depends....." >> >> ---------------------------------------------------------------------- >> >> Quayle, Gingrich, and Packwood are traveling in a car together in the >> midwest. A tornado comes along and whirls them up into the air and >> tosses them thousands of yards away. When they come to and extract >> themselves from the vehicle, they realize they're in the Land of Oz. >> They decide to go see the Wizard of Oz. Quayle says, "I'm going to >> ask the Wizard for a brain." Gingrich says, "I'm going to ask the >> Wizard for a heart." Packwood says, "Where's Dorothy?" =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= ```'' T o d d E V a n H o o s e a r (._.) vanhoose@lalaland.cl.msu.edu (_) http://lalaland.cl.msu.edu/~vanhoose/ `---' AIM: vanhoosear DYK?: Maine is the only state whose name is just one syllable. =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=