Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny From: addps@trentu.ca (Daniel P. Saraga) Date: Sat, 8 Mar 97 19:30:01 ESTSent with permission of the author Malcom Sheppard.
This post appeared in Trent U's general discussion newsgroup over some controversy regarding the possibility that Arthur, the university student paper is being too confrontational regarding the issues that it reports on.
>From: msheppard@ivory.trentu.ca
>Newgroups: trentu.general
As an ad hoc representative of arthur, I am pleased to announce a series of new initiatives designed to make the paper more friendly than ever. These policies include:
1] The control of controversial coverage. From now on, writers will be required to submit articles limited to the topic of fuzzy bunnies. Furthermore, no political agenda or biased opinion can be rendered on the topic of fuzzy bunnies. Fuzzy bunnies cannot be portrayed in a threatening or threatened light, or in a negative or perjorative manner.
It is recognized that potential contributors do not always see eye to eye on issues of importance at school, in the community, in politics, or in the world at large. Seeing a contrary opinion could intimidate potential writers, so that aspect of Arthur has been eliminated so as to facilitate greater student participation.
An example of an appropriate article using the new guidelines follows:
FUZZY BUNNIES Malcolm Sheppard
Fuzzy bunnies are nice.
2] Control of opinion pieces. To prevent the predominance of any one political view, all political opinion pieces must agree. Because of the difficulty of achieving this, the topic of discussion will also be limited to fuzzy bunnies, particularly since the public opinions of most major political factions tend to agree on the editorially sanctioned view of the aforementioned bunnies.
For example:
PROGRESSIVE CONSERVATIVES AT TRENT AND FUZZY BUNNIES Naresh Raghubeer
Tories like fuzzy bunnies too.
3] Letter content will be limited to muted approval of the content of the paper for example:
MORE PRAISE FOR FUZZY BUNNIES
I thought that Malcolm Sheppard's article, "Fuzzy Bunnies", was nice. I also like fuzzy bunnies. They are nice.
J.Q.P.
4] All staff will be required to cease any behaviour that might be construed as unpleasant or threatening. It is understood that to allow any member of the staff to abuse their admittedly mighty standing in the community would be a shame, and send potential readers and writers away from the warm and fuzzy comfort of the paper.
For example:
Person on the Street: Oh, look, its Sara Forbes-Roberts, co-editor of the Arthur? hello!
Sara Forbes-Roberts: Fuzzy bunnies are nice.
We hope you will find comfort in the paper in the future.
M.
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