Enjoy...- Todd
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Date: Thu, 16 Mar 1995 08:55:37 -0400 From: Michael Runge <mrunge@nsf.gov> To: vanhoose@cl-next4.cl.msu.edu Subject: some humor
Hi Todd,
What's new these days? Tried calling last weekend... nobody home. I'll try again this weekend. I was forwarded these bad ads. Now you get 'em.
Mike
>"Bad Ads" > >2 female Boston Terrier puppies, 7 wks old, Perfect markings, 555-1234. >Leave mess. > >Lost: small apricot poodle. Reward. Neutered. Like one of the family. > >A superb and inexpensive restaurant. Fine food expertly served by >waitresses in appetizing forms. > >Dinner Special -- Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00. > >For sale: an antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers. > >Four-poster bed, 101 years old. Perfect for antique lover. > >Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take >home, >too. > >Wanted: 50 girls for stripping machine operators in factory. > >Wanted: Unmarried girls to pick fresh fruit and produce at night. > >We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand. > >For Sale Three canaries of undermined sex. > >For Sale -- Eight puppies from a German Shepperd and an AlaskanHussy. > >Great Dames for sale. > >Have several very old dresses from grandmother in beautiful condition. > >Tired of cleaning yourself? Let me do it. > >Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children. > >Vacation Special: have your home exterminated. > >If you think you've seen everything in Paris, visit the Pere Lachasis >Cemetery. >It boasts such immortals as Moliere, Jean de la Fontain, and Chopin. > >Mt. Kilimanjaro, the breathtaking backdrop for the Serena Lodge. Swim >in the lovely pool while you drink it all in. > >The hotel has bowling alleys, tennis courts, comfortable beds, and >other athletic facilities. > >Get rid of aunts: Zap does the job in 24 hours. > >Toaster: A gift that every member of the family appeciates. Automatically >burns toast. > >Sheer stockings. Designed for fancy dress, but so serviceable that lots >of women wear nothing else. > >Stock up and save. Limit: one. > >We build bodies that last a lifetime. > >Man, honest. Will take anything. > >Wanted: chambermaid in rectory. Love in, $200 a month. References required. > >Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel. > >UsedCars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated? Come here first! > >Christmas tag-sale. Handmade gifts for the hard-to-find person. > >Modular Sofas. Only $299. For rest or fore play. > >Wanted: Hair-cutter. Excellent growth potential. > >Wanted. Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink. > >3-year-old teacher need for pre-school. Experience preferred. > >Our experienced Mom will care of your child. Fenced yard, meals, and >smacks included. > >Our bikinis are exciting. They are simply the tops. > >Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you'll >never to anywhere again. > >Holcross pullets. Starting to lay Betty Clayton, Granite 5-6204. > >Illiterate? Write today for free help. > >Girl wanted to assist magician in cutting-off-head illusion. Blue Cross >and salary. > >Wanted. Widower with school-age children requires person to assume general >housekeeping duties. Must be capable of contributing to growth of family. > >Mixing bowl set designed to please a cook with round bottom for efficient >beating. > >Semi-Annual after-Christmas Sale. > >And now, the Superstore -- unequaled in size, unmatched in variety, >unrivaled inconvenience. > >We will oil your sewing machine and adjust tension in your home for $1.00.
-------------------------------------------------------------------- Michael Runge Help Desk Phone: (703) 306-0040 DIS Help Desk Email: mrunge@nsf.gov National Science Foundation Room 205 runge@pokey.irm.nsf.gov --------------------------------------------------------------------
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