Path: msuinfo!netnews.upenn.edu!news.amherst.edu!news.mtholyoke.edu!uhog.mit.edu!news.kei.com!yeshua.marcam.com!zip.eecs.umich.edu!newsxfer.itd.umich.edu!europa.eng.gtefsd.com!howland.reston.ans.net!news.sprintlink.net!uunet!looking!funny-request Message-ID: <S752.11cd@clarinet.com> Date: Mon, 3 Oct 94 19:30:03 EDT Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny From: mec@shell.portal.com (Michael Edward Chastain) Subject: Transcripts from the General Motors help line Keywords: original, chuckle, computers Approved: funny@clarinet.com Lines: 68[This is original. I made it up myself.]
General Motors doesn't have a help line for people who don't know how to drive. Imagine if they did ...
---HelpLine: "General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?" Customer: "I got in my car and closed the door and nothing happened!" HelpLine: "Did you put the key in the ignition slot and turn it?" Customer: "What's an ignition?" HelpLine: "It's a starter motor that draws current from your battery and turns over the engine." Customer: "Ignition? Motor? Battery? Engine? How come I have to know all these technical terms just to use my car?"
---HelpLine: "General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?" Customer: "My car ran fine for a week and now it won't go anywhere!" HelpLine: "Is the gas tank empty?" Customer: "Huh? How do I know?" HelpLine: "There's a little gauge on the front panel with a needle and markings from 'E' to 'F'. Where is the needle pointing?" Customer: "It's pointing to 'E'. What does that mean?" HelpLine: "It means you have to visit a gasoline vendor and purchase some more gasoline. You can install it yourself or pay the vendor to install it for you." Customer: "What? I paid $12,000 for this car! Now you tell me that I have to keep buying more components? I want a car that comes with everything built in!"
---HelpLine: "General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?" Customer: "Your cars suck!" HelpLine: "What's wrong?" Customer: "It crashed, that's what wrong!" HelpLine: "What were you doing?" Customer: "I wanted to run faster, so I pushed the accelerator pedal all the way to the floor. It worked for a while and then it crashed and it won't start now! HelpLine: "It's your responsibility if you misuse the product. What do you expect us to do about it?" Customer: "I want you to send me one of the latest version that doesn't crash any more!"
---HelpLine: "General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?" Customer: "Hi, I just bought my first car, and I chose your car because it has automatic transmission, cruise control, power steering, power brakes, and power door locks." HelpLine: "Thanks for buying our car. How can I help you?" Customer: "How do I work it?" HelpLine: "Do you know how to drive?" Customer: "Do I know how to what?" HelpLine: "Do you know how to drive?" Customer: "I'm not a technical person. I just want to go places in my car!"
---Michael Chastain mec@shell.portal.com
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