Check your computers!
OPRAH WINFREY VIRUS: Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB,
and then slowly expands back to 200MB.
AT&T VIRUS: Every three minutes it tells you what great service you
are getting.
MCI VIRUS: Every three minutes it reminds you that you're paying too
much for the AT&T virus.
PAUL REVERE VIRUS: This revolutionary virus does not horse around.
It warns you of impending hard disk attack---once if by LAN,
twice if by C:>.
POLITICALLY CORRECT VIRUS: Never calls itself a "virus", but instead
refers to itself as an "electronic microorganism."
RIGHT TO LIFE VIRUS: Won't allow you to delete a file, regardless of
how old it is. If you attempt to erase a file, it requires
you to first see a counsellor about possible alternatives.
MARIO CUOMO VIRUS: It would be a great virus, but it refuses to run.
TED TURNER VIRUS: Colorizes your monochrome monitor.
ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER VIRUS: Terminates and stays resident.
It'll be back.
DAN QUAYLE VIRUS: Prevents your system from spawning any child process
without joining into a binary network.
DAN QUAYLE VIRUS #2: Their is sumthing rong wit your komputer, ewe
jsut cant figyour out watt!
GOVERNMENT ECONOMIST VIRUS: Nothing works, but all your diagnostic
software says everything is fine.
NEW WORLD ORDER VIRUS: Probably harmless, but it makes a lot of people
really mad just thinking about it.
FEDERAL BUREAUCRAT VIRUS: Divides your hard disk into hundreds of
little units, each of which does practically nothing, but all of
which claim to be the most important part of your computer.
GALLUP VIRUS: Sixty percent of the PCs infected will lose 38 percent
of their data 14 percent of the time. (plus or minus a 3.5 percent
margin of error.)
TERRY RANDLE VIRUS: Prints "Oh no you don't" whenever you choose
"Abort" from the "Abort" "Retry" "Fail" message.
TEXAS VIRUS: Makes sure that it's bigger than any other file.
ADAM AND EVE VIRUS: Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple.
CONGRESSIONAL VIRUS: The computer locks up, screen splits erratically
with a message appearing on each half blaming the other side
for the problem.
AIRLINE VIRUS: You're in Dallas, but your data is in Singapore.
FREUDIAN VIRUS: Your computer becomes obsessed with marrying its own
motherboard.
PBS VIRUS: Your programs stop every few minutes to ask for money.
ELVIS VIRUS: Your computer gets fat, slow and lazy, then self
destructs; only to resurface at shopping malls and service
stations across rural America.
OLLIE NORTH VIRUS: Causes your printer to become a paper shredder.
NIKE VIRUS: Just does it.
SEARS VIRUS: Your data wont appear unless you buy new cables, power
supply and a set of shocks.
JIMMY HOFFA VIRUS: Your programs can never be found again.
CONGRESSIONAL VIRUS #2: Runs every program on the hard drive
simultaneously, but doesn't allow the user to accomplish anything
KEVORKIAN VIRUS: Helps your computer shut down as an act of mercy.
IMELDA MARCOS VIRUS: Sings you a song (slightly off key) on boot up,
then subtracts money from your Quicken account and spends it all
on expensive shoes it purchases through Prodigy.
STAR TREK VIRUS: Invades your system in places where no virus has gone
before.
HEALTH CARE VIRUS: Tests your system for a day, finds nothing wrong,
and sends you a bill for $4,500.
GEORGE BUSH VIRUS: It starts by boldly stating, "Read my docs... No
new files!" on the screen. It proceeds to fill up all the free
space on your hard drive with new files, then blames it on the
Congressional Virus.
CLEVELAND INDIANS VIRUS: Makes your 486/50 machine perform like a
286/AT.
LAPD VIRUS: It claims it feels threatened by the other files on your
PC and erases them in "self defense".
CHICAGO CUBS VIRUS: Your PC makes frequent mistakes and comes in last
in the reviews, but you still love it.
ORAL ROBERTS VIRUS: Claims that if you don't send it a million
dollars, it's programmer will take it back.
--
==================================================
= Christopher J. Holdorph || Team OS/2 =
= E-Mail: holdorph@acm.org || =
= Michigan State University || =
==================================================
= "...Your dream is over, Or has it just begun?" =
= ---"Silent Lucidity", Queensryche =
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