Forwarded message: >From vanhoose Sat Oct 16 18:57:20 1993 Date: Sat, 16 Oct 93 18:57:19 -0400 From: Todd E. Van Hoosear <vanhoose> To: todd Subject: The Canonical List of OxymoronsDate: Thu, 29 Apr 93 00:14:31 -0400 From: Todd E. Van Hoosear <todd> To: &comm, raghave1@student.msu.edu, &friends Subject: The Canonical List of Oxymorons
As finals approach, I wish everyone who faces them good luck. Whether or not you have finals, may you be inspired at the most difficult times of your lives (especially in the middle of that COM 902 final, right?).
I'll try to keep up my posts to everyone in the next week to keep the spirits up and to provide those much necessary distractions.
Peace,
:) Todd (:
>>> The Canonical List of Oxymorons, v1.0 <<<
This will (hopefully) be a monthly posting on rec.humor. It will be FTPable (They tell me) from pc10868.pc.cc.cmu.edu (128.2.95.103).
Additions? Comments? Suggestions? ----->daniel_macks@brown.edu Flames may also be sent, but they will probably bounce.
This list is in a carfully-organized completely random order. Potential oxymorons which rely solely on an ideological/political viewpoint and are thus entirely un-funny have been eliminated. Several large contributions were made to this list from folks@out.there, but the attributions are in another file...I'll dig it up for the next posting.
Onward and upward....
Affirmative action, equal opportunity College algebra Gay drill sergeant Fast food Funny clean joke Jumbo shrimp Military intelligence Partly pregnant Back to the future Balding hair Happily married Executive decision Honest politician Debugged program Exact estimate Kosher ham Political leadership Human evolution Higher education Affirmative action Conservative Democrat Journalistic integrity Down escalator/elevator Tight slacks Progressive Conservative New Democrat Passive aggression Lebanese government Football scholarship Business ethics Noble savage Legal brief Nonworking mother Pacific Ocean Justice Thomas Reagan memoirs Rap music Politically correct Synthetic natural gas First annual "Thank God I'm an Atheist" 10K fun run 6502-based computer A little big A new classic Academic sorority Advanced BASIC Aerobic exercise Airline food American chop suey American culture American education Arms limitation Artificial intelligence Athletic scholarship Bad health Better than new Budget deficit Business ethics Casual intimacy Central Intelligence Agency Chow Baby Church of Scientology Civil servant Civil War Clean hack Clearly confused Collective liberty College education Committed schedule Common sense Computer science Computer security Congressional ethics Congressional oversight Conspicuous absence Constant change Convienience store Corporate planning Country music Creation science Curved line Customer satisfaction Debutante Ball Decent Lawyer Department of Interior (responsible for everything outside) Disco music Driving pleasure Dry beer Dry wine Economic reform English Syntax Enquiring minds Environmentalist bumper sticker Express bus Express Mail Fair trial Fallout shelter Fast BASIC Federal budget Fighting for peace Final version First-strike defense Forth programming language Free election Free love Free with purchase Freezer burn Friendly advice Friendly competitor Full service Good grief Goverment aid Government assistance Government organization Guest host Gunboat diplomacy Hazardous waste disposal Holy Roman Empire Holy War Honest politician House Ethics Committee IBM compatible Indecent exposure Industrial park Internal Revenue Service Journalistic accuracy Journalistic integrity Justice Rehnquist Lace-up loafers Legally drunk Literal interpretation Living dead Long Island Expressway Management Action Management science Management Style Management support Marketing strategy Medicaid payment Metal woods Middle East peace process Military intelligence Modified final judgement Monopoly Moral Majority Mutual attraction Mutually exclusive Now, now Now, then Nuclear defense Objective parent One size fits all Operating system Paperless office Peace force PeaceMaker missle Plastic glasses Political science Portable standard Lisp Pot luck Precision bombing Presidential promises Pretty ugly Productivity committee Quick fix Quick reboot R & D Rap music Rapid transit Reagan memoirs Recently new Religious tolerance Restrained grandparent Rolling stop Rush hour Safe sex Same difference Sanitary landfill Savings & loan Sedate sex Severely killed Social security Southern justice Stealth bomber Supporting documentation Swiss Steak Tame cat Tax return Television critic Temporary tax increase THIS PAGE INTENTIONALLY LEFT BLANK True gossip Unbiased journalism Unbiased news reports Unbiased opinion Union workers User friendliness Ventura Freeway Violent Agreement Waiting patiently War games Wilderness management Wonder Bread Working vacation Yummy sushi Scottish Danish (actual pastry sold at 7-11) Windows NT (New Technology) Canadian Culture Quebec Intellectual Family entertainment Friendly fire (being accidentally shot at by your own compatriots) Dining hall food Rare steak Spare rib American English Bug free code California expressway Congressional ethics Curved line Democratic Congress Fair reporting Friendly fire Helicopter flight Journalistic integrity Married life Police protection Politically correct Realistic schedule Voting power Understanding UNIX Public school education Coed fraternity/sorority Computer Jock "Happy Monday" Flexible freeze Catproof Childproof Apple tech support
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx........................ Todd E. Van Hoosear todd@cl-next4.cl.msu.edu "You only live once, so live under as many false names as possible." ---Dana McManus ..........................xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX