Forwarded message: >From vanhoose Sun Oct 10 13:18:56 1993 Date: Sun, 10 Oct 93 13:18:55 -0400 From: Todd E. Van Hoosear <vanhoose> To: todd Subject: You know you've used a computer too long when... X-Status:From: Cris J. Holdorph <cris> Subject: you know you've used a computer too long when... To: middleto (Derek Middleton) Date: Wed, 24 Mar 1993 00:22:43 -36803936 (EST) Cc: price@cps.msu.edu (Kevin Price), zervos, penney (Chris Penney), thalerj, todd (Todd VanHoosear), conner (Chris Conner) X-Mailer: ELM [version 2.4 PL21] Mime-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: text/plain; charset=US-ASCII Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit Content-Length: 3443
more computer geek humor
---- Cris J H
-- ================================================== = "...Your dream is over, Or has it just begun?" = = ---"Silent Lucidity", Queensryche = ==================================================From: jimbo@statsci.com (Jimbo Harris) Subject: Humorous UNIX commands (Monthly posting) Date: Mon, 15 Mar 1993 16:57:13 GMT
Here is a list I compiled of UNIX commands that return witty error messages. Some of the commands don't return the same error messages, depending upon which OS you're running (ie SunOS, HP/UX, Ultrix, etc.). Have fun!
If you know of any other funny UNIXisms that aren't here, please send them to
jimbo@statsci.com
Thanks. +------------------------------ cut here -----------------------------------+ % make fire Make: Don't know how to make fire. Stop. % why not? No match.
% gotta light? No match. % !1984 1984: Event not found. # (on some systems) % How's my lovemaking? Unmatched '.
% "How would you rate Bush's incompetence? Unmatched ". % [Where is Jimmy Hoffa? Missing ]. % [Where is my brain? Missing ].
% ^How did the sex change^ operation go? Modifier failed. % If I had a ( for every $ Congress spent, what would I have? Too many ('s. % man: why did you get a divorce? man:: Too many arguments. % %blow %blow: No such job. % \(- (-: Command not found. % sh $ PATH=pretending! /usr/ucb/which sense no sense in pretending! $ mkdir matter; cat >matter matter: cannot create % cd /tmp % touch this; chmod 000 this % ln -s /usr/bin/touch U % U this U: cannot touch this: no write permission
% rm meese-ethics rm: meese-ethics nonexistent
% ar m God ar: God does not exist
% make love Make: Don't know how to make love. Stop.
% sleep with me bad character
% ^What is saccharine? Bad substitute.
% drink <bottle; opener bottle: cannot open opener: not found
% alias alias alias alias: Too dangerous to alias that.
% cat catfood cat: cannot open catfood
% cat "food in cans" cat: can't open food in cans % nice man woman No manual entry for woman.
% man pussy No manual entry for pussy. % rm God rm: God nonexistent % ar r God ar: creating God % Unmatched ". Unmatched ". % write desert desert is not logged on.
% man you No manual entry for you.
% !bluemoon bluemoon: Event not found.
% scan for <<"Arnold Schwarzenegger"^J^D "Arnold Schwarzenegger": << terminator not found
% cat 'the can of tuna' cat: cannot open the can of tuna
% rm Quayle-brains rm: Quayle-brains nonexistent
% cat "door: paws too slippery" cat: cannot open door: paws too slippery % lost lost: not found % make war Make: Don't know how to make war. Stop. % mkdir yellow_pages; cat > yellow_pages yellow_pages: Is a directory %touch me %chmod 000 me %touch me touch: cannot touch me: permission denied % ar x "my love life" ar: my love life does not exist % ar x "matey, the treasure" ar: matey, the tresure does not exist % talk Gorvachev@Kremlin talk: Kremlin: Can't figure out network address. % talk Comrade Khruchev [Your party is not logged on] make "bottle open" make "heads or tails of all this" make love make mistake make sense man woman man -kisses dog