Mason Humor (fwd)

Todd E. Van Hoosear ((no email)) Sat, 16 Oct 1993 20:17:02 -36803936 (EDT) 


Forwarded message:
>From vanhoose Tue Oct  5 11:26:54 1993
Date: Tue, 5 Oct 93 11:26:53 -0400
From: Todd E. Van Hoosear <vanhoose>
To: todd
Subject: Mason Humor
X-Status: 


Date: Tue, 15 Dec 92 21:42:48 -0500
From: Todd E. Van Hoosear <todd>
To: todd
Subject: Mason Humour


Path: msuinfo!netnews.upenn.edu!jvnc.net!darwin.sura.net!zaphod.mps.ohio-state.edu!magnus.acs.ohio-state.edu!usenet.ins.cwru.edu!agate!doc.ic.ac.uk!uknet!warwick!coventry!csg188
From: csg188@cch.coventry.ac.uk (MR X)
Newsgroups: alt.fan.monty-python
Subject: masons latest!
Message-ID: <BxGIqC.59o@cck.coventry.ac.uk>
Date: 9 Nov 92 16:20:35 GMT
Sender: news@cck.coventry.ac.uk (news user)
Organization: THE MASONIC LODGE
Lines: 131


Thank you for your massive response (well two letters anyway!) to my request
for new members. The following applications are currently being considered:


	brom@au.edu.monash.cc.yoyo (David Bromage)
	RODENHISFR@ca.dal.chem.chem1 (Andrew P.Rodenheiser)




There is still plenty of time to apply.




In case you missed it, heres the origanal letter......




=============================================================================




The Coventry branch of the grand lodge of free-masons would like to recruit
new members from the alt.fan.monty-python newsgroup.


We are the largest masonic society in the world with over 5 million
members worldwide. Joining us, will give you power, money and influence.
For instance:


	-87.56% of University lecturers are masons - so a quick masonic
		handshake will get you a first class degree with no work.
	-81.23% of police officers and 92.8% of judges are masons, so you
		can commit any crime and get away with it.
	-93.567% of company bosses are masons, so you will soon rise to the
		top in your choosen career.


We hold regular lodge meetings, where you can take part in many activities,
such as:


	-Wearing Aprons
	-Showing each other your left nipples
	-Rolling up your trouser legs
	-Chanting strange rituals in a silly high pitched squeal
	-Strange handshakes
	-Silly walks
	-Perverse sexual acts (e.g. rubbing lemon curry on your naughty bits)
	-Corrupt business deals with other masons


There are only two rules on becoming a mason:


1) That you wear an apron and roll up your trouser leg
2) That you will never reveal anything about the masons activities to
   'normal' people.
3) That you will help out other masons in any way you can.


	Sorry three rules.


Any masons who breaks the two.. sorry three rules will have their eyes torn
out, their throat cut from side to side and their liver removed with a blunt
instrument.


If you are intrested then complete the application form below.


==================== Cut here ================================================


		APPLICATION FORM


1) E-MAIL NAME
2) REAL NAME
3) ADDRESS
4) TELEPHONE NUMBER
5) DATE OF BIRTH
6) WHAT COURSE YOU ARE STUDYING?
7) DO YOU HAVE AN APRON?
8) IF YES TO 7 - WHAT COLOUR IS IT?
9) CAN YOU CHANT IN A SILLY HIGH PITCHED WHINE?
10) DO YOU HAVE A SILLY WALK?
11) IF YES TO 10 - PLEASE DESCRIBE YOUR SILLY WALK.
12) DO YOU HAVE ANY POSITION OF POWER?
13) BANK BLANCE?
14) HAVE YOU EVER BEEN TO THE GRILLO SNACK BAR IN PAIGNTON?
15) IF YES TO 14 - WHAT DID YOU EAT THERE?
16) ARE YOU A VIRGIN? (HONEST AWNSER PLEASE!)
17) IF NO TO 16 - WHERE, WHEN AND WITH WHOM?
18) DO ANY OF THE FOLLOWING WORDS EMBARESS YOU?
	(PLEASE NUMBER IN ORDER OF EMBARESSMENT)
	
	(A) THROBING
	(B) NAUGHTY BITS
	(C) THRUSTING
	(D) WANKLE ROTARY ENGINE
	(E) EXTENDED
	(F) F'TANG F'TANG OLE BISCUIT BARREL
	(G) SEMPRENI


19) WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURATE 1970,s BBC TV COMEDY SHOW STARING JOHN CLEESE,
	MICHAEL PALIN, ERIC IDLE, TERRY JONES, TERRY GILLIAM AND GRAHAM
	CHAPMAN?
20) YOUR FANTASY?
21) WHAT FORM OF EXECUTION WOULD YOU PREFER?
22) WHAT ARE YOUR MUSICAL TASTES?
23) COLOUR AND NUMBER OF EYES
24) HEIGHT
25) WEIGHT
26) WHAT DO YOU WANT FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY?
27) ARE YOU - SINGLE/MARRIED/DIVORCED?
28) WHICH BRAND OF VAGINAL DEODRANT DO YOU BUY?
29) WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURATE CHOCOLATE?
30) WOULD YOU LIKE INFORMATION ON A FULLY COMPREHENSIVE MOTOR INSURENCE POLICY
	WITH A FREE NUDE LADY ? (OR THIRD PARTY WITH HER BRA ON)
31) CAN YOU SPEAK HUNGARIAN?
32) DO YOU WANT TO COME BACK TO MY PLACE BOUNCY BOUNCY?
33) IF I SAID YOU HAD A BEUTIFULL BODY WOULD YOU HOLD IT AGAINST ME?
34) WHAT POLITICAL PARTY DO YOU SUPPORT? (IF ANY)
35) WHY ARE YOU STILL READING THIS CRAP?


=============================================================================


Your application will be considered by the grand lodge membership commitee
who will imform you whether you have been accepted or not.


Some current members:


	csg188@cch.coventry.ac.uk (the grand high wizard)
	jbrett@cch.coventry.ac.uk (the master of the apron)
	csg191@cch.coventry.ac.uk (the high priest)
	mbassing@cch.coventry.ac.uk (the high priestess)
	csg165@cch.coventry.ac.uk (lord of the desert, watcher over the
				masonic brotherhood, keeper of the sacred
				apron, owner of the magic nipple and
				manufacturer of lemon curry and spam)
	meh063@cch.coventry.ac.uk (master of the silly walk)


Finally, a meeting for new members will be held in "Bullys bar" in the
students union at Coventry University on Friday 20th Nov at 2.15pm.
If you can attend then please e-mail me or one of the other members as we need
to know numbers.